Brava Magazine monthly columnist: Live On The Move (humor fitness column) 8/12 -
McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Your Wisconsin Union Passover Guide
McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Instructions for the Best Camp Closing Ceremony Ever
College Humor: (assorted posts 2011)
Brava Magazine, May 2010 Feature "No Regrets (A Letter To My 20-year-old Self)"
Syndicated on BlogHer.com: "Monday Morning Flow Chart" (read)
McSweeney's Internet Tendency: "Come to A Passover Seder in Redwood Hall"
When: Now. Hurry.Where: Our dad's house. Upstairs in that deluxe fancy red carpeting near our bedrooms that we call REDWOOD HALL. It's next to the blue bathroom where we have the Glade fights. Look for a massive air tent. Do you make air tents? We are experts. You just take the huge GE metal fan out of Dad's room and drag it into REDWOOD HALL. Then you take our sister's Kliban-The-Cat sheet and get underneath it. Weight down the edges with phone books and Dad's humongous Scrabble dictionary. Now turn the air on MAX and see how truly awesome it is. It provides privacy, shelter, and entertainment just like our ancestors the slaves (read more)
McSweeney's Internet Tendency: "Dear House of Pain"
Dear House of Pain (aka Pain Management Resources):
I just opened your quality assurance envelope, and found Discharge Instructions for the Epidural Steroid Injection. The first two of the three paragraphs include “What is an epidural steroid injection? And “What happens during the procedure?”
Your pamphlet description outlines the procedure mostly as I imagined—from pantsing/positioning me on the table and cleansing the area, to the painful-but-bearable local anesthetic injection. Actually, cleaning between the seat cushions was a little more than I bargained for, I’ll admit, but I knew to expect some unpleasantness. (read more)
Errant Parent: "The Wheels on the Bus: A Guided Meditation"
The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round; round and round with your breathing. Focus on your breath. Your coffee breath (read more)
"Stay At Home Humorist" essays for Aiming Low
Sunday Wisconsin State Journal Front Page interview 5.9.10
"Writers bring works to Barrymore stage to share mothering experience"
by Andrea ZaniAs live shows go, there might be nothing more appropriate for Mother’s Day than “Listen to Your Mother,” readings by Madison writers on motherhood at the Barrymore Theatre.
The show, Sunday at 3 p.m., is directed and produced by Madison mom Ann Imig. A self-described “Stay-at-Home Humorist” and mother of two young sons, Imig has gained a following on her blog, Ann’s Rants (annimig.com), which finds humor in the daily joys and challenges of parenthood (read more)
Errant Parent: "Fake News: NATO napkeeping aide enlisted"
BREAKING NEWS -- NATO napkeeping forces were brought in at 12:30 CST to broker a fragile cease-crier. (read more)
Women on Writing Spring 2009 Top Ten Finalist: "Date Night"
“I know you love me, I asked if you like me.”
“Tofu Pad Thai” announced the waitress, startling Jon mid-thought. Hannah averted her eyes.
“That’s me,” he indicated.
Hannah leaned back as the waitress placed a steaming bowl of Tom Kha before her. She turned the corners of her mouth up in acknowledgment. She remembered Jon's comment a week ago, upon entering the party: Wish I'd had time to shower. Come to think of it, wish I wasn't wearing the same clothes from last night. And the day before that, he'd chuckled.
Hannah inhaled deeply. She rolled her shoulders back, then down. “I like you.” She hesitated...(read more)
Humor Press: "Dear Human Resources Representative"
I need to schedule another HR consultation. The situation grows increasingly dire with each passing day.
I’m referring to inappropriate language, touching, and even nudity. I’m referring to blatant insubordination, and untenable working conditions. As per your earlier instructions, I began documenting the offenses. Yet, as quickly as I administer warnings, new more egregious offenses occur. Our desperately-awaited and newfound springtime weather—allowing for open doors and windows—only exacerbates the humiliation I endure.
Take a look at these incriminating pieces of evidence:
INDECENT EXPOSURE: 9am Two-Year-Old disrobed completely, diaper-flung in my general direction, and ran out the back door to “run da-round da-naked.”
SUGGESTIVE COMMENTS: Naked Two-Year-Old flaunts his miniature body, running around the backyard with crayon in hand, "fixing" things and screaming to our neighbors “I like to screw! I screwing, Mommy!” (read more)
Funny Not Slutty: "Upon Your Maiden Bridesmaidhood:Considerations for Young Women"
Young women, before offering your Bridesmaidhood, please carefully consider the following:
When The drunken Fiancees proposition you at a kegger, wait until you’re sober to respond. If you say yes, you won’t respect yourself in the morning. If you say no, they will woo you until you say yes. Keep your inevitable regret to yourself, or everyone will say you asked for it being so drunk and flattered. (read more)
Unhinged Magazine: "The Saddies"
After you complete your morning mad-skivvies-dash to retrieve your newspaper, and while you chase your coffee with some brand of nuggety-crunch, to which section of the paper do you turn first? Some people like to greet their day with the funnies. Others prefer, well, The Saddies.
I come from a line of habitual obituary-reading people. It’s one thing to make sure none of your blue-haired bingo buddies bit it over the weekend, but I hesitate to call the practice normal for a vibrant young person. (read more)
Maternal Spark: "Children of the Cornflakes"
Parents, take heed! In what seemed like a typical drop-off at preschool this morning, I intercepted a sophisticated plot.
First of all, things fell eerily silent. Not one cry for “Mommy.” Children methodically administered their goodbyes with, of all things, a firm handshake. Silently, they took their places on the rug. Brace yourself. They formed a trapazoid. (read more)